A Switch-up

You go through high school trying to figure out how to be liked and how to fit in with the popular kids. Once you get to college, you realize how much of a sham your admiration for the popular kids was. Popularity doesn’t matter at a university. There are way too many different people and way too many different social groups for any one person to be universally popular like they were in high school. That’s where college gets interesting. Whereas high school was about fitting in with the popular crowd, college is about distinguishing oneself from that crowd.

Of course, this isn’t true for everyone. Many college students continue on their high school mission once they arrive at University, joining fraternities and sororities that are all about fitting in with the cool kids. Some people never snap out of the high school mentality. Even if we do begin to individualize ourselves, we still do it with respect to our surrounding crowd. We don’t want to be an alien in a crowd of humans. Thus the key is to find that middle ground.

Establish your own brand of personality but be relatable to others.

Sitting in the Cosmos

I’m sitting in the Cosmos right now and life is like Pizza: It comes in slices. Some slices ain’t that enjoyable because we eat them too fast. Some slices burn us because we eat them too early. Some slices get cold because we don’t eat them when they’re meant to be eaten and instead do other things. At the end of the day though, we’re hungry and pizza get’s the job done. Who wants to eat with me?

Returning the Favor

My senior year of high school I still hadn’t kissed a girl. I wasn’t some nerdy loser but I had no idea how to talk to girls. Finally in second semester of senior year I got a hot girl to start crushing on me, but at the end of the day I still had no idea how to pull her. If it wasn’t for my friends, I probably wouldn’t have ever gotten with her. I might even still be a virgin today O.O

My group of guys was friends with her group of girls and one night we all went out to grab ice cream. It was obvious what me and her wanted to do but I had no idea how to accomplish my objective and certainly had no plans on doing anything with her that night. She rode in my car to the ice cream place with me and two of my good friends. After eating the ice cream though, my friends conveniently decided they would ride home with somebody else. They did me a huge favor because I certainly did not have the balls to ask this girl to ride home with me alone.

We drove to a park and she gave me my first kiss that night. It led to a great relationship, and I never would have gotten where I got without the help of my Bros.

So this brings me to the point of the story: If someone does you a huge solid, return the favor when the opportunity presents itself. Just the other day, I got my opportunity to return that favor. My friend Manny had become cold footed in his quest to ask out this girl he really liked. He kept talking himself out of it, and since he waited so long she ended up dating her best guy friend instead. They both were clearly disappointed with the outcome. I knew I had to do something.

I spoke to Manny the other night and coached him through what to say to her. By this time in my life, I’ve become pretty adept at getting girls, if I do say so myself. Manny, however, resembled how I used to be before I knew how to ask for what I wanted. So I broke it down for him. I explained that even though she’d been flirty with him he’d reciprocated her foreplay with nothing but mixed signals, which dissuaded her from making a concrete move. I told him he had to be honest with her and explain how he really felt.

The next day, after class, to his alarm, Manny found himself alone with this girl. Instead of shitting his pants, Manny took of his pants and put on some big boy pants. Then he admitted his love to her. She confided that she also really liked him. He decided he wouldn’t kiss her then and there because she was still “dating” her best guy friend and said she needed time to think. My boy Manny has morals!

She took all the time she needed and broke up with the poor sap the very next day. Coincidentally, Manny had invited me to his art club at school earlier in the week to meet his friends (including this girl) and guess what! This was the day of the art club. I had one mission and one mission only: Help my boy seal the deal with this girl so he could finally get some poon.

I had a great time talking to both of them at the art club. I told Manny my new crazy vision of the future (which I will be writing about soon enough no doubt) while this girl sat between us and tried to decide who she liked more. Just kidding; she clearly liked Manny more plus I’m not tryna do my boy like that. Anyways! We all went and got dinner afterwards, about 10 of us, and as this girl was about to leave with her other girl friends and Manny was about to drop me off at my car, I grabbed her by the shoulder and suggested she accompany us instead. I gave her shotgun while we drove back to my car and left them to go at it! And whaddaya know, Manny has a girlfriend now who he really likes and whom really likes him back! All these years ago my boys put me on with the girl I liked, and I finally returned the favor to a friend who needed me!

Life is great when it comes full circle. But even if the big picture doesn’t connect, find satisfaction in making your friends happier!

Making Peace with the Enemy

All names used in this article are made up and any similarities to real people’s names are entirely coincidental

Hey Bros. Today I ran into an old archnemisis of mine, Stan Sikorsky. Back in high school me and Stan hated each other. We never acknowledged it to each other’s faces, but it was obvious. I always got dirty looks from him and I can personally attest to all the shit talk I did behind his back. I called him a faggot, a cheater, a fake. I didn’t see any way me and Stan could ever be friends because he was a gay cheating piece of shit and I was not.

This morning, however, high on the buzz from winning my first ever 5K race, I noticed Stan and his mom about 20 feet to my left, grabbing food and drinks. I hadn’t seen Stan since high school. I knew what I had to do.

I walked over to Stan and tapped his right shoulder. I said hi and looked him in the eye. He didn’t recognize me and my full beard since I didn’t have any facial hair in high school. Stan looked different too. His hair was longer and wavier now and his ears were pierced. He looked happy. It was clear to me that college changed both of us.

I told Stan who I was and the first thing he said was, “Wow, you’ve changed.” Glad you noticed that Stan. I told Stan it was good to see him and, as confidently as I could, added “Sorry we were such enemies back in high school.” He told me not to worry about it and said things were never even that bad between us. I tend to disagree, but then again it’s not like we ever fought each other or even acknowledged our distaste face to face. So I guess he was right. Anyways, it felt good making peace with an old enemy of mine.

The truth is, I stopped viewing Stan as my enemy long ago after realizing that we weren’t so different after all. All those things I hated about him back in high school, I’d came to appreciate after experiencing them within myself. I’ve felt like a faggot, a cheater, and a fake. Back in high school I hadn’t yet, but now I have, and now I see things differently. On top of that, I had added Stan on Instagram awhile back and that had given me the opportunity to see his artistic side.

Learn to love your enemy. Ender Wiggin preached this, and it’s the truth. Once you find a piece of yourself within your enemy, differences can be overcame and wounds can be healed.

Ego Death: The Modern-Day Suicide

Deep down, we all want this to be over. We love happiness, yes, but we run desperately from sadness. When we spend too long in the light, life loses it’s luster. Immersing ourselves in darkness makes us greatful to be in the light again. That’s what keeps us living.

Yet even when we enjoy the light, darkness pulls at us and intrigues us in the deepest possible way. It makes us curious about the unknowable. And each time we turn to it, we hope to get a glimpse of what lurks deep in the murky water: Truth about our purpose and about our existence; truth about what we really are. It’s these dark fantasies that drive people towards death.

Now we live in a world riddled by anxiety and uncertainty. More data is available to us than ever before, and it leads to more confusion because more answers create more questions. With the advent of the World Wide Web, we have access to an unprecedented database of knowledge. It’s too much for any single one of us to process, and this realization is what makes us feel helpless in the modern world. This is why suicide rates are higher than they’ve ever been.

Yet, a milder means of suicide is steadily on the rise as well, a type of suicide that isn’t conventionally considered as such. I’m talking about ego death.

When experienced, ego death obliterates our mental but retains our physical. Our conception of self dissolves and The Walls Come Tumbling Down, as Eyedea would say. Once we regain control and our ego rebuilds itself, we’re no longer who we once we’re. Our understanding of self simultaneously increases and decreases, increasing because we understand ourselves to be more than this personality we contrived, and decreasing because we realize if we are not who we think, then who are we? These questions draw our eyes to the darkness, where we intuitively seek answers to all that which cannot be physically observed. So there it is in a nutshell: we look into death in hopes of finding the answer to life.

Feel sorry for those who seek ego death because their curiosity is simply a consequence of the uncertainty in these modern times, but do not condemn these seekers. In their quest for answers, these people tread the tenuous line between this world and darkness and come back with insights about the unknown. Do not be deceived, however; the darkness is unknowable as long as we are alive. Those who choose to enter darkness receive a mere glimpse. Their curiosity remains unsettled.

In older times, religion helped to negate our curiosity by offering a map of the afterlife to those who needed it. Nowadays, we condemn religion, in the process removing it’s safety blanket from our backs. We are desperately in need of a new map. These seekers of darkness are gradually giving us one, using ego death to come back into the light and tell a story.

The Model’s Dilemma

My roommate made a fake Tinder profile because he’s super insecure about his looks. He stole pictures from a relatively unknown male model on Instagram and now has 1000s of likes on his Tinder profile using the model’s pictures as his own. This bizarre catfish experiment of my roommate’s is derivative from his desire to be more well-liked, as well as his insecurity that his average physical appearance is the reason the girl he has a crush on doesn’t like him back.

Now, as my roommate admires the appreciation his catfish Tinder profile has achieved and the 1000s of likes from attractive girls, he must also feel helpless as he realizes he never could have achieved this with his own real photos. He feels significantly at a disadvantage because of his less impressive looks. He thinks he was cheated at birth. He’s convinced ugly people are at a natural disadvantage.

Let’s take the opposite approach and analyze. Let’s say an actual male model makes a Tinder profile and gets 1000s of likes. He has received a superfluous amount of validation of his looks, validation he didn’t need because he’s always been known as “good looking”. The model’s dilemma is that he cannot discern who likes him for his good looks from who likes him for his personality. Thus, at this higher end of the looks spectrum, a new problem arises: a lack of genuine intentions from others. Somewhere, I’d like to imagine that there is a disgruntled male Instagram model using my roommate’s actual photos for his own catfish profile to see who likes him for who he is on the inside. It’s easy to criticize models who preach that looks aren’t important when looks are literally the basis of their careers. But step in their shoes for a second; understand that looks have hindered their ability to foster genuine relationships.

We live in a society where people are still judged by their physical appearance. It’s not necessarily bad; it’s just the way things are right now. Whichever end of the looks spectrum you fall on Bro, just remember that everyone struggles as a result of this natural human flaw. We must work to accept everyone and view looks as secondary to personality. Most of all, we must stop using Tinder if we’re insecure.

The Anxiety Epidemic

Our mind is a prison when we focus on fear

In recent years anxiety has come to the forefront of clinical psychology. It’s being taken more seriously as each day passes and an increasingly high number of Bros get diagnosed daily with an “anxiety disorder”. Not to state that some people don’t have serious issues that need to be recognized and dealt with but many out there are becoming literal hypochondriacs; people who aren’t actually ill but rather convince themselves they are.

I’ve known a handful of close friends that have some form of anxiety and they’ve become genuinely concerned. They receive confirmation bias from a handful of “doctors” and before they know it, they can’t try new things or go certain places because “it wouldn’t be good for them”. Not to mention they’re given a cute little bottle of pills that will help take all their troubles away, oh how convenient.

Frankly, I’m tired of it all.

I know this anxiety epidemic is nothing more than one of many classic overreactions to our constantly changing environment. We live in the day of technological dominance and we’re flooded with information constantly. We garner these schema’s about society and become weary of our role in it. Of course we’re going to become slightly anxious about the world around us, especially when we go to places someone like us hasn’t gone before. However, it’s getting to a point where people won’t try something new like go to a bar or club because they’ll get too anxious and want to leave.

What the hell happened to getting out of our comfort zones? Nervousness and excitement is being mistaken for anxiety and it’s causing a massive drought in our human development. This is extremely painful to witness and undergo because as a whole we’re becoming cautious and unadventurous. We’re not striving to break out of our shells but we’re living for basic safety. No one wants thrills and uncertainty anymore, what’s that good for? They’d rather take shelter in their homes and binge watch another show on Netflix or play Call of Duty until their fingers are blistered.

We need to open our eyes not to pharmaceutical prescriptions and doctors orders but to the ever expansive world around us. There’s limitless opportunities out there for us to branch out and constantly be doing something. In this world there can be no room for our worries or doubts but only for our curiosity.

Here is our new orders, screw what our doctor says:

Get out of our house and do something that makes us uncomfortable. Stand tall in our discomfort, let it trickle down the back of our throat. Like a muscle gets used to the pain of lifting weights, we’ll get used to the pain of discomfort, and we’ll become better, more experienced. Soon enough, just like in the gym, we won’t feel pain but we’ll be exploring new things with ease. It will become second nature and we’ll finally have the lives we envision ourselves having.

I know, we’re smiling now, because we love that image. Well, don’t let it be an image.

Make it a reality.

Advice I should follow

Hi Bros. This is just some stuff I’ve been thinking lately, phrased vaguely!

Advice 1: When you spend your life nowhere and finally end up somewhere, you expect to be heard. But it takes patience for your voice to register. People aren’t used to hearing a new sound. You can’t force them to hear you. You won’t always be somewhere where they can listen. Keep trying to get there, and don’t give up when it seems like you’re talking to nobody. When you are meant to be heard, you will be.

Advice 2: Patience directly contradicts addiction. We take breaks between substances because we want to enhance their effects when we reindulge in them. We don’t want to jade the things that bring us joy by overconsuming. If only patience was addicting–Addiction wouldn’t be! Yet patience is the opposite. Patience is boring. It doesn’t bring us joy, but the fruits of our patience will. It takes time for flowers to blossom, for fruits to grow. Practice being patient, and remind yourself that it will be worth it.