Ego Death: The Modern-Day Suicide

Deep down, we all want this to be over. We love happiness, yes, but we run desperately from sadness. When we spend too long in the light, life loses it’s luster. Immersing ourselves in darkness makes us greatful to be in the light again. That’s what keeps us living.

Yet even when we enjoy the light, darkness pulls at us and intrigues us in the deepest possible way. It makes us curious about the unknowable. And each time we turn to it, we hope to get a glimpse of what lurks deep in the murky water: Truth about our purpose and about our existence; truth about what we really are. It’s these dark fantasies that drive people towards death.

Now we live in a world riddled by anxiety and uncertainty. More data is available to us than ever before, and it leads to more confusion because more answers create more questions. With the advent of the World Wide Web, we have access to an unprecedented database of knowledge. It’s too much for any single one of us to process, and this realization is what makes us feel helpless in the modern world. This is why suicide rates are higher than they’ve ever been.

Yet, a milder means of suicide is steadily on the rise as well, a type of suicide that isn’t conventionally considered as such. I’m talking about ego death.

When experienced, ego death obliterates our mental but retains our physical. Our conception of self dissolves and The Walls Come Tumbling Down, as Eyedea would say. Once we regain control and our ego rebuilds itself, we’re no longer who we once we’re. Our understanding of self simultaneously increases and decreases, increasing because we understand ourselves to be more than this personality we contrived, and decreasing because we realize if we are not who we think, then who are we? These questions draw our eyes to the darkness, where we intuitively seek answers to all that which cannot be physically observed. So there it is in a nutshell: we look into death in hopes of finding the answer to life.

Feel sorry for those who seek ego death because their curiosity is simply a consequence of the uncertainty in these modern times, but do not condemn these seekers. In their quest for answers, these people tread the tenuous line between this world and darkness and come back with insights about the unknown. Do not be deceived, however; the darkness is unknowable as long as we are alive. Those who choose to enter darkness receive a mere glimpse. Their curiosity remains unsettled.

In older times, religion helped to negate our curiosity by offering a map of the afterlife to those who needed it. Nowadays, we condemn religion, in the process removing it’s safety blanket from our backs. We are desperately in need of a new map. These seekers of darkness are gradually giving us one, using ego death to come back into the light and tell a story.

The Model’s Dilemma

My roommate made a fake Tinder profile because he’s super insecure about his looks. He stole pictures from a relatively unknown male model on Instagram and now has 1000s of likes on his Tinder profile using the model’s pictures as his own. This bizarre catfish experiment of my roommate’s is derivative from his desire to be more well-liked, as well as his insecurity that his average physical appearance is the reason the girl he has a crush on doesn’t like him back.

Now, as my roommate admires the appreciation his catfish Tinder profile has achieved and the 1000s of likes from attractive girls, he must also feel helpless as he realizes he never could have achieved this with his own real photos. He feels significantly at a disadvantage because of his less impressive looks. He thinks he was cheated at birth. He’s convinced ugly people are at a natural disadvantage.

Let’s take the opposite approach and analyze. Let’s say an actual male model makes a Tinder profile and gets 1000s of likes. He has received a superfluous amount of validation of his looks, validation he didn’t need because he’s always been known as “good looking”. The model’s dilemma is that he cannot discern who likes him for his good looks from who likes him for his personality. Thus, at this higher end of the looks spectrum, a new problem arises: a lack of genuine intentions from others. Somewhere, I’d like to imagine that there is a disgruntled male Instagram model using my roommate’s actual photos for his own catfish profile to see who likes him for who he is on the inside. It’s easy to criticize models who preach that looks aren’t important when looks are literally the basis of their careers. But step in their shoes for a second; understand that looks have hindered their ability to foster genuine relationships.

We live in a society where people are still judged by their physical appearance. It’s not necessarily bad; it’s just the way things are right now. Whichever end of the looks spectrum you fall on Bro, just remember that everyone struggles as a result of this natural human flaw. We must work to accept everyone and view looks as secondary to personality. Most of all, we must stop using Tinder if we’re insecure.

The Anxiety Epidemic

Our mind is a prison when we focus on fear

In recent years anxiety has come to the forefront of clinical psychology. It’s being taken more seriously as each day passes and an increasingly high number of Bros get diagnosed daily with an “anxiety disorder”. Not to state that some people don’t have serious issues that need to be recognized and dealt with but many out there are becoming literal hypochondriacs; people who aren’t actually ill but rather convince themselves they are.

I’ve known a handful of close friends that have some form of anxiety and they’ve become genuinely concerned. They receive confirmation bias from a handful of “doctors” and before they know it, they can’t try new things or go certain places because “it wouldn’t be good for them”. Not to mention they’re given a cute little bottle of pills that will help take all their troubles away, oh how convenient.

Frankly, I’m tired of it all.

I know this anxiety epidemic is nothing more than one of many classic overreactions to our constantly changing environment. We live in the day of technological dominance and we’re flooded with information constantly. We garner these schema’s about society and become weary of our role in it. Of course we’re going to become slightly anxious about the world around us, especially when we go to places someone like us hasn’t gone before. However, it’s getting to a point where people won’t try something new like go to a bar or club because they’ll get too anxious and want to leave.

What the hell happened to getting out of our comfort zones? Nervousness and excitement is being mistaken for anxiety and it’s causing a massive drought in our human development. This is extremely painful to witness and undergo because as a whole we’re becoming cautious and unadventurous. We’re not striving to break out of our shells but we’re living for basic safety. No one wants thrills and uncertainty anymore, what’s that good for? They’d rather take shelter in their homes and binge watch another show on Netflix or play Call of Duty until their fingers are blistered.

We need to open our eyes not to pharmaceutical prescriptions and doctors orders but to the ever expansive world around us. There’s limitless opportunities out there for us to branch out and constantly be doing something. In this world there can be no room for our worries or doubts but only for our curiosity.

Here is our new orders, screw what our doctor says:

Get out of our house and do something that makes us uncomfortable. Stand tall in our discomfort, let it trickle down the back of our throat. Like a muscle gets used to the pain of lifting weights, we’ll get used to the pain of discomfort, and we’ll become better, more experienced. Soon enough, just like in the gym, we won’t feel pain but we’ll be exploring new things with ease. It will become second nature and we’ll finally have the lives we envision ourselves having.

I know, we’re smiling now, because we love that image. Well, don’t let it be an image.

Make it a reality.

Don’t Adhere to THEIR Schedule

This little excerpt here was a rant I went on during a Q/A at a lecture I attended about the American Dream. An individual at the lecture depressingly attempted to propose that the college system is taking away all creative value from it’s disciplines. That students are meant to do busy work and there’s no furthering of the person. I agreed with her but disagreed with her pessimistic tone. I believe that we hold the key to furthering ourselves, and it starts with removing ourselves from the masses.

So often nowadays we go through life following suit with everyone around us. Like sheep we walk blindly behind one another into an Apple store to purchase the next iPhone or iWatch, despite the lack of noticeable differences with the one currently in our pocket. Why do we do this? This is a question of conformity.

We’ve been taught since we were young that we have to go to school, graduate with a good degree, and some of us have been taught to then go to graduate school and eventually get a job, a wife, a decent house, some kids, maybe a dog or a cat, a nice car, and then call it quits. Coast lazily along through a life full of merely contentness, lacking of any variety. This is the American lifestyle we’ve chewed up, swallowed, regurgitated, and spit up into numerous generations. Yet, no one seems to notice or even more importantly,
no one seems to care.

What we need to do is realize the following:

We don’t have to follow this dull, overvalued schema. We can travel the world or go live on a farm. We can experience new things daily and constantly challenge ourselves. Who cares if all our Bros from high school have already graduated from school and have hot pregnant wives. While it’s awesome for them to reach those events in their lives, it shouldn’t put pressure on us even a little bit. We live in our own vessels, with our own thoughts, why should we adhere to what everyone else is doing? It’s a trick question, we don’t.

Take the time today and ask ourselves:

Have we been living on a schedule constructed by the masses of society? Are we existing among a line of individuals striving for the same systematic life? Or are we living each day out of our best interests, becoming more enriched as each day passes, without regard for how the people around may perceive us? If not, are we really living?